Money

I have never had it rough. Always a roof over my head, food for every meal. Recently though, I have felt like I will never be able to enjoy my life. I have so many debts to pay that it feels unbearable sometimes. I owe my parents for 2 cars and a engagement ring, two credit cards that I've nearly maxed out, my own fiance for emergency vet bills, amongst other things. All the while I need to get my car fixed for the winter, save money for not only myself but for a wedding also, and be able to treat my girl to a night on the town once in a while like she deserves. And she deserves so much more than I can offer right now.

Since I am in school, I am extremely limited to a part time job making only $275 a week before taxes. I cannot go back to Fedex to double my income or get a full-time job so that I can support my future wife as I see fit. I cannot surprise her with gifts every now and then. I cannot take her to dinner and a movie at least once a month like we would enjoy doing. I cannot marry her, make her a home, give her a family, spend every minute at home with her, give her land for the horses we both desire, support any more pets that we want, the list goes on.

Even though I am limited in my income, I am not the best handler of those finances like I should be. What do I do instead? Pay the bare minimum on my bills, save nothing, and then spend the rest on myself like a greedy bastard. I spend it on paintball equipment even though the season just ended. I spend it on video games that I don't even have time for now. I spend it on computer parts and electronic toys that I don't need at all. I spend it on DVDs that could have waited until I had the space, time, and money. I do all this and then immediately regret the act.

I do not regret any of the choices I have made for Raquel or our pets. I would have gladly spent 9K instead of 900 on her ring. I would buy her any pet she wanted in an instant so long as we had the space. I feel as though I have let her down tremendously. As though I want to do right by her, but still focus on me instead. And I want to change that.

I would give up all of my hobbies, enjoyments, school, everything if it meant that she were happy and had everything she could want. Because of this, I have been seriously giving up everything - paintball, video games, computers (other than the necessities), a nice car, time to myself, school, and even sleep - in order to obtain multiple jobs to provide for her and makes her dreams of a farm family come true. I don't need all these things to be happy. I would even give up happiness if it meant hers. I would get a full-time job and a part-time job just to give her the money I feel she should have. I want her to live like a queen and I have been a horrible king by denying her. By selfishly spending money on myself when I should be getting us out of debt faster or spending it all on her. All I need in this life is her smiling face and money. And I absolutely hate money.

Life So Far

Oh boy, blog. Things have been crazy since I started school. Especially now since I started my accelerated CGT classes. Because of my first one, I've been working every weekday and going to school four of those days. Meaning that I only have had the weekends for Raquel, family, and everything else I need/want to do. Luckily, I'm really enjoying school. I adore my computer graphic classes because I get to actually do what I love.

Weekends have been hectic because I want to spend as much time as I can with Raquel while trying to get all my homework done along with whatever else I need to do around the house.

I'm loving my job. It's good money and good work. It helps me help out my wonderful fiance financially when she needs it and buy her little surprises every now and then.

I'm super excited about next year. I'm going to start playing paintball again and have found a new team to run with. This all started when my old team captain randomly talked to me on YIM and told me about this team he started playing with called the Dog Soldiers. He was telling me all about them and they sound like a great team. I'm really excited to get back into it because I love the sport so much. I've been window shopping for everything I want to buy for next year's season.

Not only that, but then I will be able to say that I'm getting married next year.

I'm also in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. We share our love of animals together, we're planning all the things we want in our house, and we're planning our wedding.

I love my life and I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe more money ;)).

She's Taking My Name!

So one day, Raquel tells me that she doesn't want to take my name because she's afraid of losing who she is now. This was a shock to me because, like most people, I assumed she would take my name like most other women do. I won't lie and say it didn't crush my heart a little. I think it was more because of the suddenness of it than anything.

I used to always think that women who hyphenated their names or even never took their husbands' name were just crazy feminazis who didn't want to give in to society or feel like the husband was in complete control. I got to thinking about it after she said that and came to realize that it is a justifiable fear. It may not seem like it, especially to men like myself, but I'm sure changing who you are is very frightening.

Because of this, I told her to look into it. Why is it tradition that women take men's names? Why did her/my mother do it? What's the meaning behind it? I told her after she found out and made a knowledgeable decision, I would support her.

We found this article where the (woman) writer talked in great detail about how the tradition came to be, what it's purpose was, etc. and at the very end in a closing note, she wrote that she chose to take her husband's name because not only does she love and respect him, but also God and what he has given to us in the form of marriage. This spoke to Raquel and gave her a different view on the matter. For that reason alone, not because the state/country says you should, not because government says you should, or even for tradition, but for the love and respect of our God and me, my angel of a fiance who God sent to me is choosing to take my name upon marriage.



To read her story, go here.

One Step Closer to Marriage

So this past weekend Raquel and I went to Cedar Point with our friends Mike and Jaime. I had tried for 3 days previously to get the engagement ring for her. For some reason, Kohl's doesn't think that any store in the state of Indiana should carry a size 6 ring or that their online store should offer overnight shipping if people are willing to pay it. So Thursday before we left, I went over and "borrowed" a ring Raquel has that she calls her fake engagement ring.

So Saturday morning comes, we go to the park and I propose. I was so excited that I could not sleep the night before. And yes she said yes. I am just so very happy to be that much closer to marrying the woman of my dreams.

If you want the full story of the proposal, read her blog here.

And here is a picture of her ring which should get here this weekend.

Little Update

I haven't posted in a long time so I thought I'd give a little update. Job is excellent. It pays good and the work is really work. The only I don't care for is the time frame. Since I have to wake up at 6am, that means I have to be in bed by 9pm. I miss out on lots of fun because of it unfortunately. It will work perfectly with my school schedule, so I'll keep it up.

I'm still madly in love with my girlfriend, Raquel Jessica Romine. We have so much fun together and love each other so much.

Annaliese moved in to the house. It's fun having her around. She's like the sister I always wanted. The three of us went to a neighborhood garage sale this past Saturday for her birthday and greatly enjoyed ourselves.

Yesterday my family, Raquel, and I went to my aunt and uncle's house on Geist lake. The speedboat was down so that meant no tubing. Boo! We had a blast on the canoe though. Someone *cough* Raquel *cough* thought it would be funny to pretend to tip the boat over when she actually did. Took us a good 15 minutes to figure out that we needed to borrow a dock to get all the water out. My arms are soar from that.

After that, we went to the Romine's house for Danny's and Mercedes' graduation party. It was fun for the short time I was there. Met some new people, caught up with some old friends. I even got a nice cigar out of it. I can tell you all right now, I'm going to love my in-laws.

So there you go my friends. I hope you enjoyed the post and I will try to make time for more in the future.

Work

God blessed me today with a job at Fastenal. I'll be working 30 hours a week with my best friend Dustin Dummel making $10 an hour. It'll be like the days at Fedex, except in the mornings (7am-1pm) and not as rushed. I am extremely grateful that He provided me this opportunity. I was more than willing to work minimum wage as long as it coincided with school. Now not only do I have a job that works with school, but a pretty good one at that.

I am very grateful to be so blessed not only with this, but also with an amazing girlfriend, a wonderful family, great friends, and a path to follow scholastically. God has blessed me more than I ever deserved and I will never be able to fully express how grateful I am, or should be, for all He's given me.

Nervousness

It's 1:15 in the morning and I have to be up in six hours and thirty minutes for a job interview at Fastenal. I am very excited about it and certain I'll get the job, but am nervous at the same time. I wish I hadn't slept in this morning so I could be asleep right now.

I am really wanting this job. 25-30 hours a week. Morning shift 7am to 1pm. Warehouse job. $10 an hour. Best of all, I'll get to work with my good friend Dustin Dummel. This will be a wonderful job that will work with my school schedule very well and give me the money I need.

Please pray I get this job and thank you if you do.

Good Times

I am in a very happy mood. Finals are almost over (I only have one left), summer is here, I get to help Ralph with his yard this Saturday and go to Katie's graduation open house, Annaliese is moving in on the 20th, and best of all, my best friend is coming home for a week and a half from duty.

Kyle Steckler is an awesome guy that I got to know very well during high school. He become my best friend that I could talk to about anything. He join the Navy after high school in 2005 and has been away from home ever since. He can usually get leave during the holidays and visit his family and friends, but somehow he's getting to come home now. I am very excited because I haven't seen him in almost a year and a half. We have so much catching up to do it's unbelievable. I know he'll spend most of his time with his family, but I hope I can hang out with him for at least one day.

I could go on, but then I would just be rambling. Suffice it to say, this summer looks like it's going to be an extremely good one.

Finals

I hate finals. I have to study hard for a singular test that can change my grade enough to make me have to retake a class. Luckily, I am getting B's in all my classes so I'm not worried about them. Doesn't mean I like them any more.

Starting next week, I will be free from school for a short period. In that time, I am planning on actually GETTING a job (come on Regal Cinemas!), working on things I need to around the house, and spending more time with my wonderful girlfriend. I still need to take some summer classes if I ever hope to graduate in two years, but I would like this little break.

I'm excited for all the things happening this summer though, regardless of school. There will plenty of parties with friends, garage sales to go to, trips in the Blazer to joyous places, and other wondrous things. I can not wait for it all. Now if I only had a job so I could afford all those things...

Garage Sales

I love garage sales. This past weekend I got to go up to South Whitley and go to their annual town garage sale. I love going there. You can find anything up there from nice glasses to guns. My mom and I always go up to Huntington to visit our close friends Zach, Jennifer, and their daughter Piper. We always have such a great time up there and find wonderful things at the garage sale. I only found a couple movies this time, but that's ok since I didn't have much money. I did find a beautiful .303 Lee Enfield rifle, but it wasn't worth the asking price since I would have just resold it.

I love spending time with Piper. She is the most well-tempered, wonderful little girl ever. She is always so cheerful and very well-mannered. I want to all my children to be like her. South Whitley is near an Amish town so there were a few horse and carriages. Every time she heard one coming, she would say "nay-nay". It was really cute. She is just so much fun to be around.

Raquel found a lot of good deals at the garage sale. She got two first edition books for $1 each when they could be sold for $30-50. She finally got a pair of animal clippers for only $10. She also got a beautiful looking dress that sold new for $90 for only $30.

Piper came home like a champ with tons a new toys and clothes. I guess that's what happens when you have a granny who thinks you are the only grandchild in the world. ;-)

I can't wait to go again next year and I look forward to all the other ones this summer.

My Favorite Song

Ben's Brother - Stuttering (Kiss Me Again)

[Verse 1:]
It's been, it's been, it's been, it's been
su-su-such a long time, long time, long time
since anybody touched me, touched me, touched me
the way that you touch me
So if I stutter, stutter, stutter
and I feel so so so unsexy
so maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut at least until you kiss me

[Chorus:]
So kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su s-su-s-suffering

[Verse 2:]
I know I know
it's so it's so sy-sy-symbolic of everything
Everything that's wrong with me and you
So tell me what I'm supposed to do
Oh it's been ages since we've been really honest
but I can make ch-ch-ch-changes if you really want this

[Chorus]
So kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su s-su-s-suffering

Kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su s-su-s-suffering

First Date Results

I know, I know. I owe you all (2 readers) an update of my first date. It went very well. I got there and gave her a present consisting of two books she really wanted. She was really excited when she saw what they were that she almost knocked me to the ground hugging me. She got me a gift too, the movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Her reasoning was since I only had it on VHS and it's almost disintegrated because I've watched it so much, I needed the DVD. I love it. I love her. She knows me so well and how to make me smile.

We went to dinner and both stuffed ourselves full of Chinese goodness. We got to the theater with 10 minutes to spare so we had some time to ourselves with no one around which was nice. We got in the theater and I saw one of the manager's I used to work with. Great guy. I told him how I was still looking for a job and he told me to apply there again and he would personally make sure I got the job. I'm really excited because I loved that job and I get free movies then. Anyway, we watched the whole movie (yes, seriously watched it) and it was awesome. A bit vulgar in places, but overall an excellent movie.

After that, we went to her house and just hung out the rest of the night. It was an amazing evening/night and I can't wait to go on more dates with her.

I love you Raquel Jessica Romine. You mean everything to me.

First Date

Today is going to be a great day, I can tell. First of all, it's an absolutely gorgeous day outside. I don't have school today which is good. I am going to Advance Auto to talk to the manager about a job. I have inside sources there *wink*. The thing I am most excited about today is...

I GET TO GO ON MY FIRST DATE EVER! WOO!

I'm taking Raquel out to dinner and a movie. I let her choose both and she chose China Buffet and Kick-Ass. Freaking girl of my dreams here folks. I could eat China Buffet every night and I really want to see Kick-Ass and she chose both. Not only that, but she got me a surprise gift. I can't wait to get it.

I got her two surprise gifts, one I already had planned out before I found out about her surprise for me. I would tell everyone what I got her, but she will probably read this before tonight so I don't want to spoil it.

I am so overjoyed to see her tonight I can barely contain myself. I love her so much it's intoxicating. I'll make sure to update tonight after I get home.

Scary Movies Mean Cuddling

Raquel recently told me that she wanted to see some scary movies like Halloween, Friday the 13th, etc. So I ordered Rob Zombie's Halloween, 28 Days/Weeks Later, Silent Hill, The Amityville Horror (the new one with Ryan Reynolds), and, randomly, The Spirit. We watched Halloween Friday night because that was the first one I got in and she wanted to watch it. I told her it was the scariest of them all, but she still wanted to watch it. So we did and she was curled up next to me the whole time with my arms around her and my hand over her eyes. She's still yelling at me for that one.

Saturday we went to the Hoosier Horse Fair with Leona, her daughter Jennifer, and her daughter Piper. It was so much fun. All day Piper was pointing at horses saying "nay-nay" which is really cute and smart for a nearly 2 year old. I got Raquel entered in a raffle for a miniature stud and one for a Haflinger philly. I really hope she wins one or both of them. They would be perfect for her. I also bought her a book about the painted horse figurines. I just thought it would be nice, but she loved it so much more than I expected. That made me happy.

After the fair, we went to Kenny's house for a hot tub party. We started out playing volleyball, which was really fun. Unfortunately, Raquel fainted just as we were ending. When it got dark, Kenny set up his projector outside so we could watch Zombieland while sitting in the hot tub. It was awesome. That is such a great movie.

Sunday, we went to church in the morning. It was a really good service. I love that church much more than I ever did Kingsway. I guess I'm just a small church kind of guy. After that, we went to our respective houses and did homework. I got my homework for Operations Management done (don't get me started on that). When we were done, I went over there to hang out some more. We watched most of The Spirit. We got interrupted by multiple things and then we just sat and cuddled.

I was there this morning because a serviceman was coming over and she was going to be home all alone. I don't like those situations regardless of who the woman or serviceman is. We just laid on the floor in the basement talking and cuddling all day. I was so happy I didn't want that moment to end.

I always love it when we have serious discussion because I can talk to her about anything and we always get the important stuff out in the open which is good. I wish I never had to leave her side. I love her with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with her and I mean to do so.

A Pleasant Surprise

Despite the horrible weather yesterday, it ended better than I could have ever imagined. It started with a good day in class (I love German!). Then I got to go to one of the last Bible Studies at the Ebles' house. It's a bittersweet thing. I knew it would end sometime, I just wish it wasn't now. I have grown so much in my faith because of that group. I adore everyone in it and hope something can be figured out so we can continue it somewhere else. Raquel got out of school early and was able to make it to Bible Study. I was really glad she could because I know how much she enjoys it. We discussed Jephthah and how he offered his daughter as a burnt offering to God (Judges 11) and how controversial that story is. I love discussions like that because it really gets me thinking about various reasons and options why something like that happened.

But that's not the end to this story folks. After Bible Study, I rode home with Raquel and we had a good talk about the future and our views of marriage. Needless to say, we're pretty much on the same page there. Anyways, we got back to my house and watched this week's episodes of Monster. After that though, we just sat on my couch and held each other. I was so happy in that moment that I never wanted it to end. She, in all her love for me, surprised me even more and kissed me. It was so magical. My heart stopped beating for a moment and I could not breathe at all. She took my kissing virginity and I could not be happier that it was her. It especially made me happy when she said I was "a damn good kisser" considering I have never kissed a girl like that before and have never even practiced like some people do.

Listen to me, rambling on like a giddy school girl. I love Raquel Jessica Romine and plan on spending the rest of my life with her. I could not ask for a more perfect or beautiful woman. So even though the weather was crap, it became the best day of my life so far and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Weather and Horses

I hate Indiana weather. It changes its mood more than a pregnant woman. Not two days ago it was 80 degrees and now it is 40 degrees. Shorts one day and pants and a hoodie the next. It sucks. I'll be happy when summer is finally here so the weather will finally stop changing.

On the bright side, Saturday I get to go to the horse show at the state fairgrounds with my surrogate family and Raquel. That is always a fun time and I enjoy seeing everything. I can't wait to have a horse of my own. After that, Raquel and I are going to Kenny's house for a hot tub party. That will be the perfect ending to the day. Hot tub, volleyball, video games, liquor, and good friends. Nothing better than that.

Easter

Easter turned out to be a great day. I made it to church, which I am always happy about. Afterwords, Raquel, Annaliese, and I went to my family friends' house to celebrate Easter. Raquel and I had a little excitement, but it ended up being a wonderful time. The girls got to help feed all the animals; horses, chickens, goats, cats, etc. I think they enjoyed that a lot.

We had to take Annaliese back home last night though because she couldn't take off work today. It was a very nice drive. I do enjoy driving during the day, but I much rather prefer the night. That's when all the best conversations happen. Plus, I can see the cops more easily which means I can speed more.

So even though there were some road bumps and detours, this weekend became a excellent time for all three of us and I greatly appreciated it.

Rainy Day

Today didn't turn out quite how I had planned it. The plan was to get up and go to the park with the girls and Lakota, walk around some, have a picnic, and just enjoy the sunshine. Well since it rained most of the day, that didn't happen. We ended up playing board games all day (which I lost horribly at) before having other people over to watch anime. It was still a wonderful day that ended up with Raquel and I enjoying each others' company.

Tomorrow is Easter, the day my Saviour rose from the grave. I cannot think of a better way to spend it with than my family, my surrogate family, the woman of my dreams, and a good friend.

Alas, I must retire to bed in order to be awake in 7 hours for, what hopefully will be, a spectacular service though. So I must say, good night and good luck.

Travelling

Today turned out to be an ok day. It got off to a really rough start before Raquel and I left for Upland to pick up Annaliese. By the time we got there, everything seemed to be ok. I've found that a nice long travel, regardless of the destination, really helps take your mind off of all the shit that is going on at home. The ride alone helps you to think things through, determine what needs to be done, and just relax before having to deal with it again. This trip did just that. We had the chance to talk about a lot of things that have been going on and how they were going to be dealt with. When we pulled up to Annaliese's apartment, we were both calm and relaxed. Ready to enjoy our weekend.

After we finally got back home around 7pm, I taught the girls how to make lasagna and chicken parmesan. They enjoyed that very much. In addition to those, we had cheesecake that I had made earlier. It was a wonderful meal and the girls did excellently making it.

Later, we played a game of Scrabble. I finally got beat by Raquel, which excited her. I did horribly tonight. Annaliese beat both of us by a good portion though and she hadn't played before. I say it was beginner's luck. We all had a fun time regardless.

After that, we watched Gladiator. Or at least attempted to watch it, that is. I absolutely love that movie. It is one of the best movies of all time. We got about two-thirds of the way through before Raquel and I fell asleep. It was an emotionally exhausting day for us. Annaliese was still going strong though. She could have watched the rest of it by herself, but chose not to.

So now the girls are back at Raquel's place probably fast asleep while I lie here typing this and trying to sleep myself. I have never been able to take a nap during the day and then be able to sleep at night. It is always one or the other. I do need to get to sleep though because the three of us are going to the park tomorrow with my dog, Lakota, to just enjoy the weather. We're even going to have a picnic lunch.

Thus, I bid you all adieu and wish you sweet dreams tonight.

Hallelujah, it's the Weekend!

It is finally the weekend my friends. This is no ordinary weekend though. No, this is Easter weekend. Not only do I get to celebrate the rising of my Lord and Saviour with close friends and family on Sunday, but I get to spend the whole weekend with two beautiful women.

In an hour and 45 minutes, I will be on my to to Taylor U with Raquel to pick up Annaliese for a weekend filled with fun. I am extremely excited about it and cannot wait for it to actually start.

Conversations

Tonight was a good night. Raquel came over to hang out. My parents and I taught her to play Euchre. She learned pretty quickly and will fully get it soon I'm sure. After that, she and I watched the first half of Fiddler on the Roof. We would have gotten to whole movie watched, but we stopped in the first quarter of it and had a long talk about things. It was really good, we discussed things that needed to be discussed and then random stuff. Overall we had a great time together like always and I can't wait to spend this weekend with her and Annaliese.

Great Day

It may be 5am again with me not asleep, but it's for a good reason this time. I hung out with Raquel all day. We went shopping for a few things and found her a very beautiful dress for Easter. Even though my car has been out of commission all weekend because I was getting a tire repaired, she was more than willing to drive me everywhere I needed to go.

After shopping we came back to my house and had dinner with my parents. I got my hair cut finally and then we started washing the walls of my bathroom because mom wants it painted. Our child-like teasing led to a water fight that ended up with both of us soaked and about 2 gallons of water all over my bathroom. Luckily we finished wall washing before that happened.

We changed into dry clothes and just watched TV the rest of the night. Started out with 28 Days Later which is such a good movie. She got really excited when she realized that Cillian Murphy was the lead character. We then watched Family Guy and Robot Chicken, a couple of our favorite shows. We ended the night with the anime series Monster. It is a really in-depth, dark story about a doctor who saves a small child who grows up to be a murderer. Now, the doctor must stop the monster he saved while avoiding the government he's running from. I would suggest it to anybody who enjoys anime. The story is excellently written and the characters are very well-rounded.

It was the perfect ending to a wonderful day.

Sleeplessness

It's 5am and I can't sleep. There's too much on my mind. Friends who are hurting, the future, the present, the job search that's been going on a year now, finding the right girl, school, family issues. It's nights like these that I wish I could just go out and take care of this stuff right now. Usually it helps to just sit on the porch and smoke a cigar while thinking of what I can do to accomplish what I want. Not tonight. This will be one that I just have to endure and hope that I get some semblance of sleep before I begin the next day.

College I just have to keep on trekking through and get done finally. If I could get a job though, I would worry less about the present and future, I would be able to help my hurting friends without having to worry about money, I could focus on finding the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, and I could solve some family issues. Luckily, friends and music help take my mind off these things, even if temporarily.